This I believe Draft
Belief in failure
It was
the day after the end of my first semester in college. This was a time for
relaxation and celebration at all attained over the previous time span. However
for me, it was no such a time for either. I came into my first semester of college
with my goals set very high. However, these goals proved to be out of reach at
the end of the semester. I was in a remorseful state because I felt that I had
failed myself. The happiness and joy of the holiday season were not at all upon
me. I felt like there was short of nothing anything could do to uplift my
spirits. To my surprise, I found my inspiration in the most unlikely of places:
at the State College-College 9 theatre. Yes. It wasn’t until the middle of a
very anticipated movie that I and so many others had been much looking forward
to that I found my inspiration. As I watched on, one very well known green
character came on screen and said words the resonated with me so much so that
it changed my entire outlook on my situation: “The greatest teacher failure
is.” I thought to myself how true this statement was. Failure has played a
prevalent role in my eventual success at every level. Most of my successes have
been bounce backs to what have been, in my mind, outstanding failures.
1. I think overall, this is going to be a really good story to make a lesson/this I believe out of. Especially since it was so recent, it's a topic that will be really natural for you to write about and make meaning out of.
ReplyDelete2. The conflict is definitely there, with the juxtaposition of what you wanted yourself to do the first semester and what actually ended up happening. I think the resolution could come once you start talking more about your belief as a result of this, and maybe work in where you can go from here.
3. I think as of right now, you set up for your conclusion well, but still need to add in a section at the end to wrap it all up and make a statement for what you believe.
4. In general, the energy of your writing is really good. You definitely are able to convey the mood of the season in contrast to your mood because of the first semester and this helps the listener feel more engaged in the moment. The one thing I would suggest though is having a more captivating opening sentence.